Sex Type Thing

Okay, so I was going to write about Ireland this week and give you all a bunch of pictures, but the slide show is gonna have to wait.

Oh, you'll live. lol So why no Ireland fun?

Because I have a bug up my butt, that's why. A dilemma, if you will. Something I have noted for awhile now, but as I get older it is becoming annoying enough I feel the need to swat that sucker and crush it underfoot.

What is this pain in my ass, you might ask? Well, as it happens, it’s about sex. More specifically women and sexuality in romance. And the whole what makes a 'good girl' in romance novels. Or a ‘respectable’ woman. Somehow this is never as issue with the guys, is it? Male MCs can be manwhores all day long and twice on Sundays. There are even specific tropes about the ‘manslut’ or rake, etc.

So basically if a man can't keep it in his pants, he's still hero material, but god forbid a woman opens her legs too easily or too often. Not only can she not be a heroine, at least without a tiresome redemption story, she gets regulated to the 

‘washed up’ 

                            ‘hard’ 

                        

                                                  or ‘jaded’ girl. 

The bad girl, or sad girl, the one we are supposed to pity, but secretly feel superior to.

Men are told to be proud of themselves if they have a lot of lovers and women are taught to ashamed,

Thank you, Jack! My sentiments exactly!!

Now, no, all romance authors aren’t guilty of this. But precious few break the mold. The catalyst for this blog was my recent read of  Law Man, by Kristen Ashley. She's an amazing, successful author and a good one. But while I mostly really enjoyed the book, something kept nagging at me,a background of annoyance even while I was loving the romance and the characters. Then after I finished it, it hit me. 

Why the hell is it that it kept having to be stated that the female MC has had so few lovers, and that she doesn’t take a man to bed easily.

Excuse me, why can’t women take a man to bed easily if we damn well want? What’s to say once in awhile a woman just doesn’t want a straight-up fuck? Or more than once in awhile even?

Maybe you got kids at home and you aren’t interested in exploring the complications of a relationship, but you def could use some stress relief. Maybe you are loving being single, and aren’t interested in giving that up? Hell, maybe you just have a damn itch you want to scratch…or several of them?

Why the hell does a woman need to edit the number of her partners, but a man doesn’t? 

Why is an explanation of her sexual history needed in romance, but by and large, a man’s isn’t? 

Why is a woman who has a lot of experience viewed as having low self esteem, or self respect issues? 

What, you can’t respect the hell out of yourself and want to get laid as often as you like?

Argh!! Particularly in this day and age, when health and pregnancy safety is relatively easy to ensure, why is this still such an issue in our heads and even our fantasies? Yes, some woman DO have issues with sex and seek it just for the illusion of intimacy and acceptance. Of course. 

Guess what, so do some men.

But some woman also are healthy, vibrant and successful…and just like to fuck a lot. What’s wrong with that?  And who are we as readers, or writers, to perpetuate such an ugly, damaging stereotype. Does that mean to look down on the so-called good girls? 

Hell NO!!

Here’s a wild thought….

Can we just not look down on anyone? Whether you have had one lover in your life or upwards of fifty, whatever. Your sex life should be only your own to judge.

Personally, as a writer, in most cases I don’t make a lot of either my H or h’s sexual history. Some are more experienced. Some are less. I try not to define my characters exclusively by either. But it is sure to be a trigger in my lastest work, because the h in question is a succubus, who has rather unique perspective on sex. 

She doesn’t feel guilt for having had  lots of sex and she doesn’t understand why humans do. Getting a handle of her is a bit difficult for our human H, but believe me, he learns a lot. (and I don’t mean in the bedroom, though that too, lol) 

Admittedly, my character is half demon, doesn’t have to worry at all about STDs and has very little reason to fear men overpowering her (as if). So in other words, fantasy, like all romance really. But even in PNR you see these clichés perpetuated and I for one, am damn sick of it. 

'Kay, rant over now.

But feel free to let me know your thoughts on this topic and any irritating examples you have seen. Or great books that turn this steroetype on it's ear.

Ta-ta for now, and have fun. in the bedroom and out. ;)